she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
