look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
