I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
