i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
