We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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