she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
