Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You can't motorboat a personality
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
