her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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