You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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