Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
