doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
