She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
