I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
