she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
