Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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