We're facebook friends in real life
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
