i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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