I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
