i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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