What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
