ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
