it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's always time for handjobs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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