Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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