dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
