So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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