Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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