I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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