Apparently you make a good broom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
