i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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