My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
