What did we do last night that was yellow?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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