Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
