he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
