I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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