I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
