ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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