I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
