You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
