It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
