the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You can't just leave with hair like that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
