Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
