he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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