Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
