Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
