I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You left your phone here
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