All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
