you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
