that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
