I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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