i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
