You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
