it hurts more in the daytime
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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