I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
