I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
