she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
