I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
