why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
